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Literature Text
DAN and CASEY are sitting in their office, typing at their computers. Casey isn’t really listening to Dan.
DAN
“QWERTY.”
CASEY
“What?”
DAN
“It’s a QWERTY keyboard.”
CASEY
“Like every other keyboard in the civilised world?”
DAN
“Have you ever tried to type QWERTY on a QWERTY keyboard?”
CASEY
“Is that some sort of manhood initiation I missed out on?”
DAN
“It’s harder than you’d think.”
CASEY
“It’s just left to right.”
DAN
“But you have to hold shift at the same time.”
CASEY
“Why not use CAPS lock?”
DAN
“Nah, I hate that.”
CASEY
“You hate that?”
DAN
“I’m saying, I use my left ring finger to hold shift and that makes it difficult to type QWERTY.”
CASEY
“Why not use the right shift button?”
DAN
“I can’t reach it with my left hand.”
CASEY
“You type with one hand?”
DAN
“No I type with two hands. I use my right hand for the Enter button, Backspace, plus signs. I use my left hand for shift.”
CASEY
“You don’t touch type then.”
DAN
“I do not, and you know why?”
CASEY
“Because you can’t do it?”
DAN
“Because no one tells me how to use my mobile phone, no one tells me how to use my TV remote and no one’s gonna tell me how to use my keyboard. It’s mine.”
CASEY
“Okay then.”
DAN
“Plus I don’t know how to do it.”
CASEY
“Me neither.”
DAN
“I mean I use different fingers.”
CASEY
“I do too.”
DAN
“I just don’t use them all. I like to save my pinkie for special occasions and I don’t think typing a web address is a special occasion.”
CASEY
“What is a special occasion for your pinkie?”
DAN
(pause)
“Sometimes I use it to collect sauce.”
CASEY
“Ah.”
DAN
“You know, I don’t use my pinkie for much.”
CASEY
“I really wouldn’t expect you to.”
DAN
“You think it feels left out?”
CASEY
“I’m almost certain it doesn’t.”
KIM enters the office.
KIM
“Hey guys.”
DAN
“I’m gonna use my pinkie more than usual today, Kim.”
KIM
“How often do you usually use it?”
DAN
“Not at all.”
KIM
“How are you going to use it more today?”
DAN
“No idea.”
KIM
“Okay. Good luck with that. Dana wants to see you both in her office.”
CASEY
“I didn’t do it.”
KIM
“Do what?”
CASEY
“Whatever it is that he did and I’m going to get blamed for. It was him.”
KIM
“Alright then.”
DAN
“What do you think this is about?”
CASEY
“I think it’s about your pinkie plans for the day.”
DAN
“Really?”
CASEY
“No.”
DAN
“QWERTY.”
CASEY
“What?”
DAN
“It’s a QWERTY keyboard.”
CASEY
“Like every other keyboard in the civilised world?”
DAN
“Have you ever tried to type QWERTY on a QWERTY keyboard?”
CASEY
“Is that some sort of manhood initiation I missed out on?”
DAN
“It’s harder than you’d think.”
CASEY
“It’s just left to right.”
DAN
“But you have to hold shift at the same time.”
CASEY
“Why not use CAPS lock?”
DAN
“Nah, I hate that.”
CASEY
“You hate that?”
DAN
“I’m saying, I use my left ring finger to hold shift and that makes it difficult to type QWERTY.”
CASEY
“Why not use the right shift button?”
DAN
“I can’t reach it with my left hand.”
CASEY
“You type with one hand?”
DAN
“No I type with two hands. I use my right hand for the Enter button, Backspace, plus signs. I use my left hand for shift.”
CASEY
“You don’t touch type then.”
DAN
“I do not, and you know why?”
CASEY
“Because you can’t do it?”
DAN
“Because no one tells me how to use my mobile phone, no one tells me how to use my TV remote and no one’s gonna tell me how to use my keyboard. It’s mine.”
CASEY
“Okay then.”
DAN
“Plus I don’t know how to do it.”
CASEY
“Me neither.”
DAN
“I mean I use different fingers.”
CASEY
“I do too.”
DAN
“I just don’t use them all. I like to save my pinkie for special occasions and I don’t think typing a web address is a special occasion.”
CASEY
“What is a special occasion for your pinkie?”
DAN
(pause)
“Sometimes I use it to collect sauce.”
CASEY
“Ah.”
DAN
“You know, I don’t use my pinkie for much.”
CASEY
“I really wouldn’t expect you to.”
DAN
“You think it feels left out?”
CASEY
“I’m almost certain it doesn’t.”
KIM enters the office.
KIM
“Hey guys.”
DAN
“I’m gonna use my pinkie more than usual today, Kim.”
KIM
“How often do you usually use it?”
DAN
“Not at all.”
KIM
“How are you going to use it more today?”
DAN
“No idea.”
KIM
“Okay. Good luck with that. Dana wants to see you both in her office.”
CASEY
“I didn’t do it.”
KIM
“Do what?”
CASEY
“Whatever it is that he did and I’m going to get blamed for. It was him.”
KIM
“Alright then.”
DAN
“What do you think this is about?”
CASEY
“I think it’s about your pinkie plans for the day.”
DAN
“Really?”
CASEY
“No.”
Okay not Sports Night. But dd you ever see Sports Night, better known as The West Wing preliminary round. It was written by Aaron Sorkin and watching it recently I discovered that I write a hell of a lot like Sorkin did when he was younger and on drugs. Or off them. One of the two, anyway my point is, I write like him a lot. I'm not saying I'm as good as him but I do the same style. Here's proof. I could write this sort of thing all day. I like it. Do you?
© 2006 - 2024 Hayter
Comments5
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This does seem a lot like their banter.
I love this show. It's all on YouTube.
I love this show. It's all on YouTube.